When you feel the world shake from the words that are said
by BriannaRenegade
Summary: A quick apology story for those following me! Cas/Dean. I have a lot of crying Cas feels.


So I am alive. Work has been crazy! I will get around to updating all in progress fics but for now here is my peace-offering for being gone for so long.

It had been three months since the angels had fallen. Three long months. Sam had been hellbent on curing demons, considering he had the help of a partially cured Crowley, and I was often left with Kevin. At first I took the kid out on small hunts but there wasn't a lot to fight anymore, and the prophet was only a step above useless.

We had spent the last few months tracing the fallen angels. Though there was only one angel I actually wanted to find. For all I knew Castiel was dead, after all according to the other angels without Cas this wouldn't have happened. I hoped he wasn't dead. Sometimes I would even pray. It was more out of habit than anything. I knew Cas couldn't hear me. Only Metatron would. Maybe God, if he was still out there.

It was another one of those praying nights.

"Cas. Uhh. Castiel. I know this is stupid. I know you can't even hear me. But I guess sometimes praying is about bringing comfort to yourself." I sighed. I sounded like a hormonal teenage girl. "Dammit. I am not any good at this. If anyone can hear me, God, if you can hear me. Just get Castiel back here in one piece. I. I need him."

I woke up the next morning still in my clothing from the night before. Not that I hadn't done it before, but lately there was nothing worse than waking up in crumpled jeans. Tangled into your own shirt.

I shucked myself out of the flannel, and then pulled off my t-shirt before I heard the harsh, "Harrumph".

I turned slowly to see the dirty ex-angel, trench coat and all, standing in the corner of my bedroom. He looked down at his scuffed shoes, "Hello Dean."

"Cas?" I asked, shocked. This hadn't been the first time that I had imagined him. Probably wouldn't be the last.

He took a few minutes until he finally looked up at me. "I. I. Don't know how I got here. But I have tried, and the next thing I know I am in this room and you were sleeping so I.."

"watched over me." I finished for him. Somehow it wasn't as creepy to me, probably because I was just glad he wasn't dead. That is when I noticed that his eyes were welling up.

"I. Dean." Castiel started. "I never thought I would see you again. I screwed up so badly."

"Remember what I told you Cas. We can fix this." I took a slow step towards him. Still unsure. After looking for months he was here and before I knew it I was only inches away from him.  
"I didn't want to let you down Dean." Cas said, the tears spilling from his puffy red eyes. "Not again."

"Cas...It's okay. It's not your fault. We all trust Metatron. It's not your fault." I cemented. It was hard watching Castiel fall apart, being an angel in a vessel had separated him from his emotions before. I closed the space between us. "It doesn't matter. You are here. You are with me. I have never been good with talking or expressing myself but Cas you are here and I am not letting you out of my sight. And I have to say this now or I never will. Castiel I am in love with you."

Cas looked up at me through bleary eyes. "You. You actually mean that?" He sounded shocked, like there was no possible way anyone could ever feel that way.

I gently ran my thumb across his cheek, flicking away the tears. "Cas. I just need you to know before you run off again. I. Love. You. Dean Winchester is gay for his angel." I tried to chuckle but my heart was caught in my throat because he hadn't really responded.

"I am not going anywhere. I am staying here with you. I Love you Dean Winchester." He did chuckled, though he was also tear streaked, a little snotty and it sounded more like a gruff.

I didn't need to hear one more word, my heart pounded in my chest as I leaned in and kissed him gently. He pulled me in close and clung tightly running his hands over my bare skin, reminding me of how exposed I was. But I didn't care. Castiel was mine, and for the moment, it was all I needed.


End file.
